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Random DevOps Ramblings
Updated: 17 hours 8 min ago

Keep CALMS and do DevOps!

Thu, 06/25/2015 - 12:30

In order for any sort of process, framework or methodology to succeed in the IT world, it absolutely must involve a large number of acronyms. And devops is no different. In the devops world we like to say that there are five underlying principles of devops, and they’re represented by the acronym CALMS. As with any good IT acronym, you start with the acronym itself and then work backwards from there. The main reason why the CALMS word was chosen for the devops world was because of the unlimited marketing oportunities it offers. For instance, you could use the “Keep CALMS and carry on” slogan and plaster it all over anything that you can actually print onto, like T-Shirts, mugs, foreheads, powerpoint presentations etc and so forth.

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CLAMS?
The next trick was to work out what the CALMS should stand for. This was the hard part, and required the input of some of the smartest minds in the devops world to come together and use their collective brainpower to think of some devops words that would conveniently fit the CALMS acronym. So, in May 2013 or something (lets say), some people with names like Gene, John, Jeremy, David, John and Adrian all got together at the top of a mountain in North Wales and meditated on the CALMS acronym. That didn’t work, so they all got really drunk and that’s when they came up with what we now know as the five pillars of devops:

C and S stand for Cats on Skateboards
As everyone knows, the vast majority of the internet is made up of billions of pictures or videos of skateboarding cats. That’s why the internet is so big (and that’s also where the term “BigData” comes from). Devops is all about deploying pictures of skateboarding cats to the internet, in order to satisfy the world’s seeemingly endless desire for more and more pictures of kittens doing cute things. The better you arer at deploying skateboarding cats, the better you are at devops. Simple as that.

cat-on-skateboard

A stands for Agile
Devops was invented because sysadmins felt they were missing out on the whole agile party. So devops is just agile plus sysadmins. AMIRITE?

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L stands for Letters
Acronyms are nothing without letters. Letters are very much the key ingredient of a good acronym. The trouble with acronyms though is that the letters don’t always lend themselves to a word that’s relevant to your topic. One way around this is to think of a world beginning with that troublesome letter, let’s take the letter L for example, and let’s randomly pick the word “Lean”, and then simply write a book which demonstrates how “Lean” is actually quite relevant and applicable to the topic of devops. It’s a clever one this, because you can then use it to help flog copies of your book.

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M stands for Money
Doing devops will make you rich beyond your wildest dreams. A recent survey has discovered that firms with high performing IT functions are less likely to suck ass than one’s with crappy IT teams. It only takes a medium sized leap of faith to believe that this has anything to do with devops. So it’s crystal clear then – doing devops means your organisation will outperform your competitors and we’ll all be sipping cocktails on a beach somewhere by this time next week.

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So what are you waiting for? Go deploy those skateboarding cats and I’ll see you on the beach!


Categories: Blogs

Upcoming DevOps & Agile Events

Thu, 05/21/2015 - 12:28

London Puppet User Group Meetup
London, Thursday May 21st, 2015
6:00pm
http://goo.gl/C2zuKb

DevOps Exchange London – DevOps & DevOps
London, Tuesday May 26th, 2015
6:30pm
http://goo.gl/Xmdqxl

London Agile Discussion Group – Should DevOps be a person or a team-wide skill?
London, Tuesday May 26th, 2015
6:30pm
http://goo.gl/xksVOH

AWS User Group UK – meetup #15
London, Wed May 27th, 2015
6:30pm
http://goo.gl/uBsiUj

Chef Users London – Microsoft Azure / Chef Taster Day
London, Friday May 29, 2015
9:00am to 5:00pm
http://goo.gl/VOvkC3

DevOps Cardiff – Herding ELKs with consul.io
Cardiff, Wednesday, June 3, 2015
6:30pm
http://goo.gl/WwOvkQ

Agile Testing – Visual Creativity: Using Sketchnotes & Mindmaps to aid testing @ #ltgworkshops
London, Thursday June 4th, 2015
8:30am
http://goo.gl/34iIXM

ABC (Agile Book Club) London – Review Jeff Patton’s User Story Mapping
London, Thursday June 4th, 2015
6:30pm
http://goo.gl/X0qPwb

Agile Testing – Hooking Docker Into Selenium @ #ltgworkshops
London, Thursday June 4th, 2015
8:30am
http://goo.gl/ONH8dQ

UK Azure User Group – Cloud Gaming Hackathon
London, Saturday June 6th, 2015
9:30am
http://goo.gl/ONH8dQ

London DevOps – London DevOps Meetup #10
London, Thursday June 11th, 2015
7:00pm
http://goo.gl/uolxJk

Kanban Coaching Exchange – Continuous learning through communities of practice – Emily Webber
London, Thursday June 11th, 2015
6:30pm
http://goo.gl/9aFD8x

Lean Agile Manchester
Manchester, Wednesday June 17th, 2015
6:30pm
http://goo.gl/Z15ac3

London Lean Coffee – Holborn
London, Thursday, June 18th, 2015
9-10am
http://goo.gl/QkIBhj

UK Azure User Group – Chris Risner
London, Thursday June 18th, 2015
7:00pm
http://goo.gl/EfbNnn

Jenkins User Conference – Europe (London)
London, Tuesday June 23rd – 24th, 2015
2 days
http://goo.gl/achJJX

BDD London June Meetup
London, Thursday June 25th, 2015
6:30pm
http://goo.gl/C2zuKb

Automated Database Deployment (Workshop – £300)
Belfast, Northern Ireland, Friday June 26th, 2015
1 day course
http://goo.gl/fXlJr7

Database Continuous Integration (Workshop – £300)
London, July 8th, 2015
1 day course
http://goo.gl/lW4TjA

Database Source Control (Workshop – £100)
London, July 8th, 2015
1 day course
http://goo.gl/C2zuKb

London Lean Coffee – Holborn
London, Thursday, July 16, 2015
9-10am
http://goo.gl/mtJ3k4

Agile Taster – a free introductory Agile training course
Cardiff, Saturday 18 July 2015
10am – 3pm
http://goo.gl/qFYS6b

AWS User Group UK – meetup #16
London, Wed July 22nd, 2015
6:30pm
http://goo.gl/Tc3hlD


Categories: Blogs